I sit around all day in my...

Those you can, tweet, those you can't, rant

The above header sounded really good in my head. Anyway, the best thing to come out of TV3 since Lorraine Keane's P45 has got to be mild mannered anchor Alan Cantwell's unabashed Twitter http://www.twitter.com/alanrantwell. It contains all of his opinions that you just wouldn't hear on Midday. My favourite rant so far is the abuse he had for Michelle Heaton-Scott-Lee-Hanley. 'So Michelle Heaton thinks Ireland's too expensive. Last I heard the boat leaves Dun Laoghaire same time every day. Nice trip.' (I hope I didn't misquote too much). Ooer Mr. Cantwell, it's enough to make Cybil Mulcahy blush.

When it comes to the Crunch

OK so I've been a bad blogger lately and some of you have been asking what ever did happen with Gym Guy and I? Well, it's kind of a cause and effect thing going on here - no see Gym Guy, no type random musings. We're trapped in a never the twain shall meet scenario at the moment.

CONS
1) No Gym Guy

PROS
1) I haven't embarrassed myself spectacularly lately
2) My guns are getting pretty big

Speaking of big guns...as the saying goes, there's plenty more gays in the gym. And at Crunch Fitness, it is like shooting gays in a barrel. And so onto my discovery of Gym Guy 2. Now, I know those of you rooting for me and Gym Guy will be disappointed to hear that there's another man on the scene, or at least on the blog but you just can't help to notice Blonde Gym Guy. He is handsome, broody, a bit of a loner type character. And he's blonde. And broody.

Anyway, brief history of Blonde Gym Guy is follows...he was actually in the Crunch before Gym Guy. He's Blonde. He's kinda broody. I wish I could say more but he kinda just comes up to the gym and looks all scowly and hot and Russell Crowe in LA Confidential meets Heath Ledger in Brokeback Mountain. See, I'm talking mean.

ANYWAY...Saw him today enjoying a frappachino with some girl on the wooden promenade overlooking the Liffey. He was wearing gold rimmed aviators and a checkered shirt - not as hideous a combo as it sounds. And he looked at me. Twice. He knows I exist and I'm certain that somewhere out there, he's blogging about me right now too.

Bruise Foresight

I knew this blood test was going to hurt from the second the nurse started talking about the Eurovision. (How could he have known?)
OK so it looks pretty pathetic in photo (damn flash) but trust me, this is actually the ugliest bruise I've ever had. And I was once a cross-eyed 6 year old with a penchant for tree-climbing.
Click on the photo for full enlarged goriness in HD.
In other news...how cute are my jammies?!

You say Kardashian, I say Cardasian...let's call the whole thing off.

Comedian in Chief

What a swell guy!

Facebook, it's like Cheers.

It's where everybody knows your name. And if you're like me, vain and self-promoting then it's where everybody knows your business too. So, I've decided to move most, but not all of my (invariably soiled) laundry away from the public and air it on my blog.

The reasons for this are 2 fold.

1) Having a blog is fun. Until Gym Guy finds out.

2) I drunkly added aforementioned Gym Guy on Facebook mobile at 4am on Sunday.

I felt the awkward handshake wasn't enough of an attraction killer without inviting him to view all the posts of the past 2 weeks. I've shored up my Facebook since but he's yet to add me. Eek.

OK, that's enough for now. I'm off to boil some bunnies.

Yours,

Sleepless in Stoneybatter.

Famous handshakes in history

I feel like Tan Hong Ming

Gym Guy: Part 4

I am Meg Ryan in every cringey romcom ever made. I officially suck at flirting. I feel stupid. Worst of all, I am tortured by how cute Gym Guy is. Anyway...he was at the gym tonight and we chatted OK about last night and then kinda ended up going for the changing rooms at the same time. I left first and then him. See, not a stalker. Much.

Anyway, I'm in locker 51, he's in locker 49..or 53..two doors down, and I've played this scenario a bunch of times in my head since I asked if I should ask for his number. Anyway, it appears democracy does not always win because in this real-life version of the scenario I am verbally numb. Because I feel shy. He wear briefs by the way in case you were wondering.

He leaves, all skinny jeans and white tshirt with rolled sleeves like a gay James Dean for the 21st Century. He says see you around and I say something similar. Anyway, I leave after him and decide to go into the supermarket next door and as I'm walking in he is walking out. This is getting a little awkward when the most awkward thing ever happens. He kinda looks like his hand is reaching forward.

So I kinda reach my hand forward. Then his hand isn't reaching forward. But he notices that mine is. So he reaches his forward and before I can reach mine back...again, you can't make this shit up...this happens. I. Shake. His. Hand. Where did all this go wrong? He said hi to me first weeks ago before I even noticed he existed. This is a disaster. And he is still devastatingly cute.

Gym Guy: Part 3

MAJOR UPDATE: OK, so if any of you have been following the saga of me wanting to bring the gym from the gym ("Gym Guy") to the STAR TREK premiere with me well you'll know I didn't get too ask him. But guess who was there when I walked in the door?! Eh, Gym Guy! He's cute. And maybe called Richard. P.S. STAR TREK is fucking AWESOME!

Gym Guy: Part 2

UPDATE: Cute guy wasn't in the gym tonight which means I can't bring him to the Star Trek premiere as planned. But I am still going to ask him for his number. I think I should start a blog?

Gym Guy: Part 1

Mikey Cyrus wonders should he ask the cute guy from the gym for his number? Creepy or cute? Votes please?

Gym Guy: The Saga

OK, so a couple of weeks ago I noticed this guy in the gym and we kinda checked each other out. Anyway, I started Facebooking about it and the whole story got sort of popular with people so I've started this blog as I can't constantly air my dirty laundry on Facebook - so for anyone who cares, you can follow my life, and this particular story here.

If you've missed the beginning I'm going to paste the Facebook status updates above from latest to oldest or whatever - the new one will be on top!!

Like a bull in a SuperValu

We can't say we didn't see it coming

So true

Wertible Wonderkid

Anton Yelchin as Pavel Chekov. Scene stealing stuff.

Why was Captain Kirk's wife pissed off?

...Because William Shatner (say it aloud)

While I too would share Mrs. Kirk's annoyance at being shat upon by the Shat, I have to be honest. I can't say I'd say no to Chris Pine who plays Captain Kirk in the new movie. Well, maybe not that far. Spit on me Chris!

There's devastatingly handsome, and then there's Chris Pine (seen here looking kinda biblical...which oddly enough is the sense in which I'd like to get to know him).

Ok, enough.

Hannah Montana: The WTF Movie

In synopsis:

Miley Cyrus plays Miley Stewart who plays Hannah Montana who is really Miley Stewart.

Miley Cyrus's real-life pops Billy Ray Cyrus plays Robby Ray Stewart the father of Miley Stewart who plays Hannah Montanta.

Are you smarter than a 10 yer old? No wonder kids are so confused these days.

In conclusion:

Nobody has a clue what's going on.

Neil Shawcross painting in Bentley's on the Green

My parents showed this collection by Neil in their gallery a couple of months ago and we got one, a milk carton, in our house. I really like them.

Deja Ru

00.51

It's last Friday's Late Late Show. Ruby Wax is on again.

PAT: That's a very daring use of colour.
RUBY: Are you sure you're a het-er-o-sexual?

Ruby redeemed?

Scrabble: The Facebook app that stole my youth

I've just discovered Scrabble on Facebook. It is marvellous. Literally tens of thousands of illiterate yankie doodles just waiting to play any minute of any day.

Currently playing with Catherine. 30-40s. English looking. Red lipstick. Red frock. If I didn't know better (and trust me I don't) I'd say she has clicked through completely by chance from a banner ad on Match.com. Whacks of desperation. Anyway, she seems nice, if not a tad slow with picking her letters. She also stuck an 'R' onto my 'DRAPE' to make 'DRAPER'. It was lazy and since then I can't forgive her. And frankly, I don't think I'll ever forgive that fringe.

Oh...FADE. 9 points. A bit like my interest Catherine.

Is TUSING a word? No. Apparently not. Mind you, I've already come up with such non-words as WUDS and FLIM. I promise myself I'll look them up in the Oxford English. Alas, Scrabble Dictionary is the ruthless Machiavelli of the Dictionary world. It doesn't give you the meaning, just whether of not you can score points with the word. Somewhere, Shakespeare is spinning like a black and decker.

I've now decided that Catherine is definitely single. If you want to emphasise the point, and I do, then her words have a smutty undertone that someone of my low brow taste picks up on very quickly. "JUICE"... "HOWL"..."YEAST"? Christ Catherine, you'll never find a man on Facebook Scrabble with words like "YEAST".